Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Zone

I wrote a post yesterday but I need to put some pictures in before I post it.  I figured out (I think!) how to post pictures from my phone but for some reason not all the pictures on my phone were transferred over.  Including the pictures I need for the previous post! I can't win!

Today I am going to share my weight loss story.  Over the course of my adult life I have lost a large amount of weight four times.  I don't consider myself a yo-yo dieter because there were huge gaps of times between those four times! The last time I lost a considerable amount of weight was 6 years ago.  My feeling at the time was "third time is a charm".  I do believe with all my heart that I would not have gained back the weight except for my mother passing away.  It was rather unexpected and the most devastating event that has ever happened to me. At that point I had been losing weight for over a year.  I was eating healthy and exercising.  But the night my mother passed away all bets were off.  My sister and I were at Denny's at 2am stuffing our faces with some kind of non-healthy food.  So, I GAVE UP.  And gained all the weight back. 

The only time I have been able to lose weight is when I have been in, what I call, "the zone".  The zone is a mindset and when I am in the zone losing weight is not hard.  I don't mind not eating junk food and actually crave fruits and vegetables.  When I am not in the zone I feel deprived and sorry for myself.  That is when the "one more day (of unhealthy eating) won't hurt" plays over in my mind.  I LOVE the zone! I don't feel deprived. I know I am doing good.  I don't have to force myself to make better choices.  Unfortunately, I cannot make myself be in the zone. I have to wait until it happens.  Maybe that all sounds weird but it is the truth for me and what works for me.   I got in the zone again back in April.  How it happened, I don't know. But there were a couple factors that I know contributed to it this time.  First, my father was in failing health.  He ended up in a rehab center to regain his strength.  I'd visit him around meal times and I witnessed the meals they served him.  Now, I KNOW that a balanced meal is the right way to go but this time I was actually seeing it.  Being a visual learner maybe that is that I needed.  A plate with protein and vegetables, a dessert in correct triggered something in me.  The other factor was that I was going in for another bout of eye surgery.  It was a one day thing but it still meant that my vitals were being checked and I wanted my blood pressure to be in the normal category. I started eating healthier and making better choices a week before the surgery.  And after a week it DID make a difference! (It made an even bigger difference when I had more surgery in September!) So, I have been on this road since April.  How much weight have I lost? I don't know.  I don't weigh myself.  I have read a lot of articles that said weighing yourself is important.  But I can't do it.  Since I gained back the weight after my mother's passing I just knew that it would be defeating to me to know exactly how much I had gained.  Even now I feel it would be demoralizing to know what I weigh.  (When I went in for my last surgery I couldn't put my weight on the form because I had no idea...not even a ballpark idea.  They needed to know that, of course, for the anesthesia so I was taken to a scale.  I told the nurse that I did not want to know so I closed my eyes to the scale and asked her not to tell me.) So, I have been going by my pants size.  Since April I am down 5 pants sizes.  That is good enough for me to know.  Christmas was a difficult one for me.  I know it is for a lot of people.  I really wasn't confronted with a lot of fattening goodies. I went looking for them.  A big part of that is some family drama that got to the point of overwhelming me.  It kicked me out of the zone.  I am still eating healthy but it isn't easy anymore.  I struggle with that inner voice that says just one more day isn't going to hurt.  But I am not giving up.  This has got to be the last time.  In all the other times I felt like I never got to the maintenance part of weight loss.  I always stopped right before I got to my "ideal" weight.  I am so close to it now and I want to get there! Even tho I am still the same person I always was in a way I am not.  When I am heavier I don't care about my appearance.  All I care is that I have clothes that cover me and don't hug any of my torso.  When I am thinner I am into clothes, jewelry, short, I feel more confident about myself.  I have friends that are "shocked" by my style.  I say that I have always been into style.  I just didn't show it.  But now I do...every chance I get!!

Just testing..yea, I can add pictures! I still eat pizza occasionally.  But it is one slice of veggie pizza! YUM!!!

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